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Sure, there are some guys who don’t realize they’re kinky until a sub comes along, but he shouldn’t assume every hot guy he likes is a potential Dom. “One of the hardest things for novice subs to understand is that vanilla guys don’t like to be dominant-if they did, they wouldn’t be vanilla. “And besides, pushing vanilla guys to dominate him is not a great long-term strategy for finding a Dom,” said Temple.
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And just as your nephew wants to avoid bad Doms lurking on the other end of sketchy online searches-and any adult Dom willing to play with a 15-year-old boy is by definition bad and untrustworthy-your nephew needs to avoid being a bad/creepy/manipulative sub. If these boys don’t realize what your nephew is doing-and what they’re doing for your nephew-then they haven’t consented to playing D/s games with him. Your nephew also needs to be told that “convincing” other boys to “subtly dominate him” isn’t ethical. He doesn’t have to start obeying the Dom until he’s agreed to start obeying, and he can withdraw his consent at any time and stop the play.” He should also know that until he has agreed to some sort of power exchange with a potential Dom, they are interacting as equals. “UGH’s nephew needs to know he has a right to say no to any form of play he feels uncomfortable with. “By emphasizing the importance of consent, UGH is already getting the most important thing right,” said Hadrian Temple, a dominant gay leatherman, blogger, and erotica author.
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But I don’t know how to do this if I’m advising from my own collection of saddo experiences. If this is the path he ultimately takes, I want him to be safe, happy, and loved. I want to be a good gay uncle, but honestly, I’m an objectively poor role model. I know that there are success stories out there-sub guys with partners and families-but I’m not one of them. I’ve never found a man who wanted me as both a partner and his slave. We’re being careful to teach him about healthy boundaries and appropriate behaviors, but I have an additional struggle with all this.Īs a gay sub, I’ve been a bit of a failure.
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Besides the occasional veiled comments and sketchy online searches, he’s also described situations where he’s convinced other boys to subtly Dom him, both in vanilla ways and some decidedly more borderline. However, we’ve also recently discovered that he seems to be interested in D/s themes with him as the sub. Through his actions and words, both his parents and I have gathered he might be gay, which is absolutely no issue. I’m a submissive gay man with a 15-year-old nephew.